These Words from My Dad That Rescued Me as a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was just just surviving for twelve months."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of being a father.

But the reality soon proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The direct words "You're not in a healthy space. You require some help. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a larger reluctance to talk amongst men, who still internalise damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a break - going on a couple of days abroad, outside of the home environment, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to things that don't help," he says. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a trusted person, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I think my job is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."